Boy Trouble

“A woman speaking to a man, is not the same thing as a woman speaking to a woman”

I was arguing with Joshua about skipping the line at the borehole to fill our buckets when he told me this. That was when it really hit home: that gender equity is a longer and much more complex battle than I thought.

This comes from the following explanation, given by Joshua. When you are a boy, you do as your father tells you to because he is the provider. Though you can argue moderately, ultimately what he says goes because it is his house, and he is the one giving you food. Thus he is your elder. And this is exactly the way the entire village operates. If ever there were a dispute that couldn’t be settled by the chairman, then the oldest man in the community would decide.

Now, men are the providers for women. If a snake comes into a compound, the man will kill it while the women run. The men hunt and farm. The men are the providers for the women. Thus men are "elders" to women, and the same relationship between a boy and his father follows. Because of this, ultimately whatever a man says or requests when speaking to a woman is accepted. If a man walks into a compound or room, a woman must provide him with a seat, just as you would an elder. Men eat first, and women second. Everything follows this hierarchy.

What does this fundamental flaw lead to? An extreme disparity at the village level. Women lead different lives than men. Women look after kids, fetch water by foot, cook, clean, collect firewood, make charcoal, plaster walls, process crops for consumption, carry loads, and help the men with any of their activities. Men are responsible for anything farming related, weaving of grass and building infrastructure, fetching water by bike, and hunting.

The role differentiation is not the problem and is actually required. During a somewhat heated conversation with the men and chairman of the village, the chairman explained to me that if everyone did the same activities then they would not survive. There is too much to do and specialization is paramount to efficiency and success. The problem for me lies when there is a difference between work requirements.

Men work hard. They also pay for school fees and any health related costs. It is not my intention to underrate them. However anytime that a man was sitting in the shade resting during the mid day inferno, women are still working. Always cooking, tending to children, or some other reproductive chore for the household. WOMEN NEVER STOP.

I’ll close this with coming back to the fundamental mental stance on gender equity. Joshua told me that he knew what it was and believed in gender equity. That through school he learned that women can do what men can do, and he is ok with a female president. But at the same time, in everyday activities and interactions with the opposite sex, he still returns to the traditional stance. Though he could regurgitate the rhetoric taught at school, his nature was still inherently gender biased towards men.

One success story I had was when we were harvesting yams. Joshua, his brother and I were harvesting in the field whilst women were peeling yams no more than 30m away in the shade of a tree. After finishing uprooting the last yam, we wiped the sweat from our brows and went to sit with the women. I asked Joshua who would pick up the yams from the field and bring them to the tree where the women were peeling them. “That’s women’s work” he replied. I proceed to grab one of the steel buckets and head back to the field. After two trips of carrying the yams on my head, Joshua through laughter told me to stop and that I had made my point. I looked at him and told him that if he and his brother would help me it would go a lot faster. They proceeded to grab two buckets and help me finish the task.

The women peeling yams were beside themselves in laughter, and smiles had crept across the faces of my co-workers. I know that it is only a drop in the ocean however, for what is a much longer battle. Changing values is something I don’t know how to do.